my current take on things

I really should be putting my blogs on substack or medium or one of those other places. but i’m happy loafing here in my homebrew website, hiding away from the world.

I’m writing this having loaded up an old computer that i haven’t really used much since about August 2020.. i see my documents folder and get a flashback to that time ..i was sure that the world was going to all go completely to shit at the end of that rotten year. Instead, it was only my own personal world which went off the rails, while the rest of the universe seemed to get a bit of its mojo back strangely enough. Well that’s all been slowly going out the window again in the years since. AI seemed to tip it all off, then it became clear that USA wasn’t going to get back on its feet politically, or Australia either really, climate change went on unchecked and is getting worse and a bunch of new horrible senseless wars got started.

Dear old twit got taken over and my chickens died in late 2022 but since then I think I have had a few good years – I went to India, found myself, got some new love in my life, made some music, pottered around in the garden. I feel like the next few will be pretty good too, growing my projects from what were just seeds a few years ago. But what a backdrop, the dissolution of old certainties, empires breaking up under the towering battles of tyrants, new generations making up the rules, a blurring of everything familiar. My own mind is blurring as I get older and tireder and I am fighting disengagement, the instinct to just hunker down with a bunch of firecrackers. Try to nurture my own little light, my Agni, tinkle a little bell just for me and the fam.

But we’re all connected now, pull on string for long enough, and we all get unravelled. I’m not sure i’m ready but i’m as ready as i’ll ever be. Because there’s nothing to me except that string – that’s who Alaric is, the string man. Pull it and he’ll straighten out and dissappear. I am already becoming detatched from that character I play, stepping back and watching the puppets dance from the comfort of the dress circle. I am just following the path as best I can – neither left or right, neither extreme nor boring, buddhist nor advaitist, scientist nor skeptic. I didn’t exist before all this, yet here I am. I won’t exist soon enough – but here I am. Or am I really here at all? The apparatus of life drawn up around me like a magician’s cloak. But perhaps no one is really here, and certainly no one ever visits. That is the trick.

I keep dream journals and they seem as real as anything else happening in my life. My shifting identity, unfolding across different scenery, but it’s all the same project. The unfolding of G_d. I’m broken in many of these dreams, faulty, chasing useless sparks of passion, getting frustrated, getting caught, getting done over. Over and over. You’d think i’d have learned by now wouldn’t you. That it’s just another dream. But then what else to do, but just be yanked about in the dreamscape, I am part of the dreamscape. Or someone is, maybe that’s not me at all. I feel sorry for them.

I have seen the future. Many different varieties of it, some of them are not very nice. Some are remarkable and peaceful. I don’t know which one is ours, i suppose they are all ours in some way. I’m going to try and make my way to a peaceful one. Only when things are very peaceful and still can the mind settle down and the waters settle and we can see what really is. All this bluster from fools is making it much too agitated to see anything. But things never stay that way forever. There are good things that will come about, just spontaneously on their own. That’s what we mean when we talk about true nature. It’s instantly recognisable as the way things always were.